Sunday, May 1, 2011

Oh that Spectacle of the Royal Wedding.

Yes, I watched the show and before it was over, I also thought of a quick collective prayer for my girl friends and I. It went something like this: Dear God, please make my girl friends and me (I) some sort of princesses in our next birth, preferably in the British royal family; no not those harem kind of princesses, all covered up and crap like that. Once princesses, we were not going to bother God with other mundane requests like sending a prince to rescue us because we will be hell bent on being absolutely ecstatic about existing as gilded birds. I wish I could make that just 'a one day' thing, but honestly that is not going to work for us. We need this as a long term affair. Also God if we could just enjoy a life of riding in gilded carriages and waving madly at everyone. Amen.

Anyway, now that I have the prayer out and flying to God, I can come back to describing the spectacle. I loved those hats and especially the ones that were worn by the royalty and others pretending to be royalty. I also marveled at the precarious way in which some of those hats were placed. I saw a few resting on top of the nose. There were a few behind the head. Only the Queen's was on top of the head. And being the Queen, God forbid if anyone could have ever taken upon themselves to suggest a different style of wearing a hat. She may have cried, off with his head. There were some hats on one side of the head, actually three quarters down the head. I don't know, maybe they were clipped to the ear. Any moment, I expected a gust of wind to upset those pretty things and go soaring past the gloating crowds. No, this crowd of people was not anything like the raucous soccer crowd - the belly smacking, crooning, cursing, bottle throwing, body smacking sort. This was a motley crowd hoping to catch a glimpse of a commoner turned princess. One who had made it, not by birth but by being in the right college at the right time. Location, location, location.

So, no wind or rain came by. Then too, I half wished for at least a monkey or two to take a swipe at those colorful hats and go bounding across Buckingham Palace. But these mishaps only occur in the world of colonized people albeit past ones. Nothing of the sort happened and all the silks and hats and ducks and duchesses went in - in the most respectable manner. The new princess recited the mile long name of the Prince effortlessly and everyone breathed a sigh of relief. The jinx was off. I saw the Prince briefly struggle with the wedding band but then thank God for small mercies; this was the only struggle the Prince would face. The royal couple could now live happily ever after and do nothing else for the rest of their lives. The commoners could go home with a hefty debt but at least they had a Prince and Princess to boast of.


  1. Neera Pant: Joyce this humorous dramatization of the royal wedding, that had the highest viewer-ship in recent times, is a great display of your creative skills...I too was facinated by the display of some real bizzare hats in the name of fashion... your description of them really very apt..great reading..

  2. Vandana Shah:
    OMG Joyce I am in splits and tears are rolling down my cheeks!!!! Trust you to draw out the inconspicuous and mundane things and put them centre stage and present them with such humour. I luved your impishness and "monkey pawing" wishes upon those poor folks donning all kinds of hats, in all kinds of stye and manner. Great read of a great article written by a great writer, in an inimitable style!!!! Aur haan....mujhe to Indian princess banna hai...tell God haan;)))

  3. Geeta Ahlawat:
    Funny you should mention hats - because that is one thing that I couldn't get over, i.e., the style and positioning of the hats!! In fact, I was waiting for some of them to fly off. Yes, I hope your prayers are answered and that we do come back as princesses in our next life (as long as we are not forced to wear hats!!). Joyce, in your own unique humourous style - you have once again given us a great article. Thank you!!

  4. Rohin Parekh:
    Giggling away to glory!!!! jo! liked the mockery about the couple living happily ever after doing nothing as WE are there to look after them!!!! loved the your humour on their hats! Just u jo!!! Loved Victoria's blue conical hat. well written...

  5. Maitreyee Bhattacharjee Chowdhury:
    hah this is hilarious..I sepcially remember the hair piece or was it kind of thing one of the princeses were wearing..sitting close to the Queen..I heard they were some kind of princess too ..thoughy looked more like Cinderella's step sis..she had this odd concoction on her head...I wished & wished it would my utter dusgust it did not..sigh

  6. Jim Decouto:
    Horse racing, Royal weddings, champaign & stupid hats. Cheap thrills for the conservative Cameron PARTY goers. Still conning the commoners who inadvertently end up paying for it via worthless cups, dolls & tasteless cakes. Conservative politics at its best devoid of any effective foreign policies. Bring back Blair, make him apologize for invading Iraq and get back to governing the country while ignoring and snubbing the monarchy with stupid hats.

  7. James for God's sake go get yourself a hat quick. The Queen maybe heading that way soon. BTW I beg to differ about those hats; they looked pretty cool. I would've liked one. Royalty is a separate expense and as usual commoners conned themselves. With the way Blair talks, I would let him stand on my head even :)

  8. Sudha Ahluwalia:
    Yeah ... a great episode. I have become a fan of your writing.