I don't know whether to feel sad or happy because my Dad is not with me any more; he passed on, July 27, 2013 and lived a good 77 years, some pleasant and some not so pleasant. There are many who never had a dad and there are many more whose dads didn't live as long as mine; there are dads who are getting old; we all are. In our rush of marriages and children, parents are sometimes forgotten. There were many times I was irritated because my Dad treated me like a child when he walked in all directions except straight! Occasionally, I wished he would stop fussing. Well, now he will and I am wondering if I were too harsh?
I'd like to believe he's in Heaven because that's what he would have liked. What I'd like to believe is that his goodness surpassed all his imperfections therefore putting him in a good place, right in my heart, in my thoughts and feelings. Was he a perfect being? No. Was he a good dad? Yes. I am where I am because of him. I owe him my upbringing, my love for poetry, my writing, my cussing; I even behave senile like him. I too suffer from confusion like him. Some say I cause too much trouble just like my Dad. I am his daughter after all and that DNA has to be passed down! That is one of the things they leave behind, that entire corrupted DNA, which no one else wants.
I will miss my Dad. I loved him even though I told him that very rarely as an adult. I worked with him and saw him almost every day. What I missed as a child, I got back plenty as an adult. My Dad gave me enough love to scare the hell out of me. He fought with the nuns in school on my behalf. Now that is the most unforgettable thing for me. I cannot believe he is not going to crack his jokes or curse any more. Worst of all, I am no longer going to get my weekly pocket money. May he rest in peace. My Dad will be sorely missed by his family, friends and foes and most of all by me.