Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Drink Drank Drunk: Joys and Perils

You Tube: Compilation of Drunk People

Nothing is funnier than seeing drunkards talk or walk because they can’t do either. They open their mouth, they tip over. Was it the weight of the words? They raise their hand, they tip over, they raise their leg to walk, the leg crumbles under them. They sing and dance and accept all kinds of dares even to their heads, which are mush anyway. They insist on riding bikes without wheels or with the wheel turned around permanently; they go round and round till they can do it no more; they fold over with the bike over them or under, the bike does not care and they are too drunk to care either.  They can crawl through the tightest spots, slide through barbed wires or slide on to barbs; squeeze throats, their own or others and then wonder what their hands were doing around throats; they choke themselves, punch their own faces, and do other such foolish stuff.

People have been warned: do not drink and walk but that’s what precisely drunk men and women like to do. People have been warned, do not drink and drive but that’s another human frailty. People have been warned, do not drink but who listens. If there is anyone who cannot walk, it’s the ones who’ve been drinking all day and all night long. Suddenly they remember they need to get home and so their foray into getting-home-by-themselves begins! They start off by walking backwards and graduate to doing it diagonally; they stumble on the dark road and the road leads them back to where they began. What happened to the road? They tumble through a house, whose house is that anyway? They find their way to the door and are surprised by the door opening on them; they fall outside the house just near the door; that’s where they crumple and lie until further notice.

They were the bravest people when they started off just before they consumed that alcohol, loads of it. Then they got caught into accepting challenges, fancy ones too. They jumped off stairways, balconies, across ditches, into walls; they threw themselves into doors, windows, tables, bicycles, cars, anything that was standing or moving. Nothing is safe from a drunken man hurtling towards them. They can do everything and they are fiercely independent. It’s that evil alcohol that made them do things they were adamantly opposed to. Hollywood needs to hire drunkards for all their stunts, even though those successful stunts would have only been one-time affairs. Mostly it is men who are a sight to watch as long as those men are not related to you; then it’s not funny. The entire world thinks drunkards have a problem except the drunkards themselves. For them, it’s the world that has a problem or maybe the bottle has a problem!

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