Saturday, July 16, 2011

Einstein's Theory Up for Grabs.

If Einstein were alive, his theory of gravity would be put thoroughly to test by those low-ridin-jeans-and-shorts worn by teenagers and specifically by American teenagers. Sagging is believed to have been started by men serving time in US prisons where belts are prohibited. The style was quickly picked up by hip-hop artists and since then became a symbol of rebellion without cause in a land of limitless freedom! In the sagging world, jeans and shorts are worn so low that it is a preposterous phenomenon representing gravity or no gravity. In the sagging world, jeans and shorts are worn so low that I'm absolutely amazed how they manage to stay up especially around the lower butt area. Considering the relatively hazardous nature of those low lying jeans - underwear comes to occupy a very important position. No longer are men's and boys' underwear a nugatory issue; the under becomes the over in the topsy turvy world of fashion. In fact, any underwear that threatens to remain under will not do. Thus those good old white Calvin Kleins or Fruit of the Loom commonly called tighty-whities or tidy-whities become an absolute taboo. Underpants in fact have to be specifically boxers; must be checkered and screaming loud. Green or purple is highly desirable. Not to be left behind, girls are into the game as well with pinks, yellows, and oranges.

Considering the gravity of the situation,Einstein could've come up with a formula but as the greatest scientist of the century is not around, I came up with my own, after careful deliberations, observations, and calculations. Something must give way and for any change to occur and as change must occur from time to time for survival to survive, the boring must give way to the exciting. After burning the midnight lamp and giving myself some fantastic headaches for which I have strange proclivities, I finally came up with a decent answer. The way those teenagers kept their low riders perched below their butts was by transforming their walk and talk. As far as the talk was concerned - it mostly focused on changing the good old tenses - where you at, where you, you is where, I is here, do she, he do, etc. Regarding the walk, well that gets performed with the legs spread out at by least a foot or more; in short, sagging requires teenagers to waddle. Gone are the days when the mark of a good pair of jeans was seen by how the human butt got transformed!

So, as the purpose of jeans gets defeated day by day, they've now come to have a mind of their own. Unlike the last remaining miserable communist places, jeans are free to travel anywhere they feel like. Sometimes the jeans go way down under and beyond the shoes. So if you see a pair of jeans walking by themselves, you would know there is a teenager somewhere inside them. Cops of course love this fashion; makes it easier for them to pursue culprits at a leisurely pace. They can even have a donut and coffee on a hot pursuit. During such escapades, teenagers forget all conjoining theories of speed and momentum. The faster they run, the better chance the low riding jeans have of falling off completely. Still it'svery rare that teenagers get caught. When facing extreme danger, their flight instinct takes over the sagging fashion; they pick up those jeans and make a mad dash. Even Gazelles look puzzled and question the nature of things. 

Nonetheless, teenagers thrive in chaos and when they discover their own creation ready to swallow them, they lose all hope and descend further into the sagging world of jeans. Trotting horizontally and pretending to talk nonchalantly on their cell phones, they feel a sense of doom with cops right around the corner. Sagging jeans present them with a great dilemma; if they pulled them off, it would be admitting defeat; if they pulled them up, they would fall in the eyes of their peers. As speed adds to the predicament of descending jeans, teenagers begin the getaway by increasing the distance between their legs and feet. The unfortunate jeans decide they can no longer serve the purpose of attire or fashion and slump to the ground defeated. When teenagers sense danger they can put Olympic athletes to shame. Cops walking or cruising provide the perfect impetus. Sagging jeans are quickly abandoned, acceleration is adopted for which the under-rated boxers serve mighty well, and off the teenagers go like missiles in search of another fashion or freedom.


  1. Jaiya Venkat:
    You hit the nail on the head perfectly & beautifully described the current trend by infusing good humor to the content. Love your style & research on this:))This trend (american) has spread like wild forest fire globally....& has cut across all section of people & cultural divides.(even ME not spared) My temper does get trigerred when I see one on the road .....but able to blow my top only when my own does it !!! Yes, boxers with *brand value* gets more attention;)My sonny boy refuses to wear anything other than boxers, thankfully I am curb that trend set in him to some extent which he has gleefully aped from his peers. The trouser/jean hanging in between the butt & the hip is the most horrific sight I would say!!!;)
    July 17 at 12:13am

  2. Thanks Yam. I am also appalled how quickly insane American ways spread. But hopefully the jeans will get lifted up in a couple of years.
    July 17 at 12:26am

  3. Jaiya Venkat:
    America has always has& still has a magnetic influence on you really can't help it. Any new trend coming in is always welcome as the the old paves way for the new to set in....To say the least, the entire world population always in eager to embrace the next new trend:)
    July 17 at 12:30am

  4. Loney Jacob ‎:)) Very well written Joyce. A global phenomenon now!
    July 17 at 4:02am

  5. Neera Pant:
    Humour at its best ..well said been seen in the streets of India as well..I guess that is what teenagers are all about..self expression.. till they realize they are all aping each other ..
    July 17 at 9:49am

  6. John Samson:
    really liked the way the imagery comes through in the part where one sees a pair of jeans, and can deduce a teenager lurks within them. on an unrelated and unimportant note, einstein was the greatest scientist of the last century.
    Monday at 9:04pm

  7. Patricia D'Mello: If any of my daughters brought friends with their pants down their asses my husband used to make them pull their pants up before entering our home..i would laugh my guts out...but Joyce well written.
    I love your write ups on life and they are written so well you should publish some of them ...l
    Tuesday at 10:58am