Khichdi of Terrorism.

Come to think of it, terrorism is the most miserable profession in the world. It literally has a dead end. I cannot believe that the God I believe in, is actually the same one terrorists claim their allegiance to or at least to a similar one. How is it possible that this God is not upset at some mortals trying to sabotage his creation? Just for a moment if I could place myself in God's position, I would be extremely upset at the gall of these creatures impinging on the right to life of the human race. Not only this but being hell bent as well on killing people while hoping for a quick entry into heaven! (I am disregarding atheists here because they'll have to come up with better reasons for terrorism-in-the-name-of-God concept). 

By these standards, how dare a few men and women take upon themselves to maim, destroy, and kill  the rest of us. I'd like to see proof of this dictum. The one being claimed by terrorists doesn't hold water. The instructions also happen to be in a strange language which I doubt any of the terrorists are able to read or understand. If the proof is in the pudding, then there is no pudding. In fact this is a case of terrorism being akin to a bowl of Khichdi. In short terrorists ने खुदा की खिचड़ी बना कर रख दी है! (Terrorists have reduced God to Khichdi). Somehow the garbled reasons for terrorism run very close to the Khichdi concept. It then becomes pertinent to state that if terrorists like Khichdi so much, who better to approach about this than the Indians themselves who seem to have perfected this cuisine to a perfect art.

Coming back to the Khichdi bit, whether ill or not, Khichdi is the remedy for all ailments. Have a stomach upset, have Khichdi; caught the flu, eat some Khichdi; feeling blue, make yourself some Khichdi; run out of ideas, whip up a bowl of Khichdi. Maybe God can be found in Khichdi itself. If cooked well, Khichdi can be quite delicious specially when accompanied with yogurt and chatni.  I would say God damn the terrorists but what if the terrorists also call on God at about the same time. That again would be a khichdi of sorts,  don't you think? I am so enamored by this food that I cannot but help recommend a full 4 to 10 years of rigorous study in Khichdi leading to the degree of MoK 'Masters of Khichdi'. This can be achieved from the comfort of their homes or caves or jails or wherever they are or from  universities, some surreptitiously housed in Indian Jails.

Khichdi Expertise will be the newest profession for misguided-terrorist-minded youth. Enroll them in the School of Khichdi and soon the world will have raging bands of bright young Khichdi graduates. Closely following the Khichdi course is a very similar discipline of Bharta, which is highly popular with all the Thanedars who run the show in the dreaded jails in India. Maybe aspiring terrorists can head there. After all, Indian cops are extremely proficient at teaching the minute similarities and differences between Bharta and Khichdi. They may add the 'murga' bit in the initial years of study just to warm up the session of various culinary disciplines. I think this would be a wonderful opportunity for terrorists to emerge from their confusion and venture instead into a world of talent and art.

Notes: Khichdi is an Indian dish cooked and cooked with rice and lentils; Bharta is roasted and mashed egg plant; Thanedar is a constable or police officer; Murga is chicken, and also a popular punishment stance in Indian public schools and jails; chatni is a dip of coriander, green chillies etc.

Terrorists and Zombies don't scare me ...

Suicide bombing is fortunately the only profession that requires one to die to succeed. Actually just dying is not enough; one must blow to smithereens to be considered a successful suicide bomber, specially if eternal fame or notoriety has to be achieved. However, because the general public gets itself in a strange frenzy of fear over some very clumsy attempts of shoe bombers and underwear bombers, even a quarter of an attempt is enough to be considered successful. Any lay person could have figured that an underwear detonation is a bad idea. That is too much stripping in a very tight spot. Anyway, the outcome is not the same for bumbling bombers who will never get to see their faces on posters glorifying their deeds. The ones plastered on the walls of many cities and homes are only of dead terrorists. And so it must be true when they say that the only good terrorist is a dead terrorist. In the aftermath of such bumbling follies, plenty of ways have to be quickly found to forget and forgive and move on to the next soul-in-line-waiting-to-blow. Mind you, suicide bombing is not an easy task. To blow oneself up, is actually an art in itself. A lot of factors have to be in play simultaneously. It has to be done at the right time, at the right place, and in the right frame of mind. Any kind of indecision, dilly-dallying, panic-attacks or any such frailties  of the mind will not work. The bomb must be easily accessible as well as perfectly hidden. The suicide bomber must also walk straight and tall because if he ever happened to trip over a small rock and land in a ditch - well that would be disastrous for the mission control and the controlled, all over a small rock. 

So why do I think that terrorists and suicide bombers are a dying breed? Somehow as if my mind refutes this, an exact polar opposite question comes to mind - how is it possible they multiply like rabbits? Is there a system to it? Actually these are only some of the many questions that confound me. The other questions are why is diversity missing from amongst the terrorists and suicide bombers these days? I haven't heard a peep out of political correctness and its proponents about this phenomenon. I am also getting somewhat tired of watching the same fashion in display. Because of the uniformity in thought, action, and dress amongst the terrorists, they have somehow forgotten to be novel in their ways. That checkered scarf could certainly be replaced. More over, just to break the bubble of coming up with this inhuman and cruel way to kill people, the current preferred way to kill through suicide bombings, can't be claimed as their invention either. The Japanese will have to take credit for that or maybe some other clinically depressed and drugged group could lay claim to that. As most terrorists work alone, often times I wonder why do they even waste time in marching and screaming the same slogans. It's not as if they were going to blow themselves up standing at attention or in straight lines or columns. 


In the elaborate ceremony of going for the kill, did the terrorists and their bosses happen to forget that the god they appealed for help with reining down fire and brimstone on the world, creating rivers of blood, making mountains of bones, and sending showers of fingers, teeth, and tongues - was also the same god the rest of the world appealed to for wrecking havoc on the checkered heads. Einstein's God it seems likes to sit pretty just holding the dice. Maybe using those checkered scarves as chess boards could have decided the outcome quicker. It's also not fair that the current band of terrorists with their own peculiar brand of insanity has put terrorists with other agendas around the world - completely out of business. Lack of attention or to-hell-with-you attitudes has further led to the early demise of a lot of terrorist activity around the world.
 
Come to think of it, if the suicide bombers were really trying to make a point, they are not there to see whether the point made its mark or not. In fact, most of them are single, educated, bored men and sadly enough have nothing positive to bestow on the next generation. They leave no money, no estates, no wills, and certainly no insurance policies for the next of kin. Whatever monetary benefits they reap is dependent on the generosity of insane and unreliable men or governments. And we all know how well governments run things. Bureaucracy is a wet rag and is bound to dampen the death rewards to the terrorists. Even plans of taking their manhood intact to the ultimate level where 72 virgins wait - don't seem to get too far. No wonder a bumbling bomber was caught with sanitary pads around his manhood. Then there is also the story of 72 virgins taking the place of 72 raisins. I understand the gross error of pitting virgins and raisins but that's exactly how things stand at the moment. The suicide manufacturing machine decided it was best to replace raisins with virgins to make the outcome substantial enough to tempt the poor sods to kill themselves. The machine also set to work on the dictionary to change the meaning of killers to martyrs. But there is no way I am listening to the machine; a martyr went to his death alone taking no one else with him. That was the only requirement of the sacrifice. Nowhere did it say martyrs please take a bunch of people or a whole lot before you go mingle with raisins or virgins. Ashwani put it aptly in a poem 'they sacrifice your life because their religion is a game and butcher people in the Lord's name...you're feeling like a clown, men of God knocking you around'. Perhaps it's time to do some thinking and settle this issue once and for all. There is no place for religions that preach absolute intolerance, total death, and complete destruction. Emphasis on hate life, embrace death, walk as if already dead - belong in the zombie land. All I have to say is live and let live and perhaps even find a life on FaceBook for God's sake.