My Father the Warrior: Remembering Him and His Battles With Ghosts!

Peace: Joyce Singha

For many years, my father suffered from a ‘ghost problem’. When he first told me about the nightly battles he'd been having with various creatures, I shuddered, laughed, and quickly shuddered again lest those creatures came upon me as well. Such is the fear of ghosts in the Indian culture! This is what my dad told me. He said those guys wanted to sit on top of his head and did so; he said they were pinching him, he said they were blowing air on him, he said they whistled at him, he also said they were pushing him from his bed. I was shocked that any creature could be so rude as to push a man from his own bed. My Dad threw different things at the creatures: shoes, slippers, pillows, spoons, sticks, mud, water, anything he could lay his hands on.

Nonetheless, it all amounted to a lot of activity so I asked my dad to be less dramatic and a little more reasonable. My Dad said that when they bared their teeth, he had enough and that is the time he whipped out his Bible and whacked the life out of them. Then he did his favorite thing, which is to let out choice curses in Hindi. Believe me, some of the curse words in Hindi can be very scary. On a side note, when my dad used profanity, it was not gentle at all; he could really grind it out good.

It seems with the Bible in one hand, a shoe in the other, and a mouth full of curses my father was successful in scaring those creatures, for a while. Most likely they retreated for a while. My Dad also saw a Maulvi (Muslim priest) who wrote few powerful stanzas on bits of paper, which my father stuck all over his house. Unfortunately, in the ensuing weeks, bits of paper and my father’s curses were not potent enough to keep wily creatures away; they were back to torment my father. I requested my father see his doctor before the situation got completely out of hand.

Dad duly headed for his PCP who happens to be a benign Jewish fellow complete with cap, keys, and threads; jingle-jangle of Doctor’s keys usually informed of his arrival. In the monthly or weekly meetings, my father and doctor usually discussed various political situations and rarely my father’s troubles, which fortunately had remained unchanged and hence no need of changing of the guard. Kind Doctor diagnosed my father’s battles with ghosts as sleep disorder/ anxiety/ depression, and recommended anti-depressants, which my dad refused to take just in case they interfered with his heart medicines. Then the doctor suggested maybe he should see a psychiatrist at which my dad went completely ballistic. When the doctor seemed exasperated, my dad came to his rescue and said he would get some priests to wipe out those night creatures! Medicine and juju somehow never went together.

As rescue-from-ghosts mission began, the group comprised of two priests, one designated priest and another one for added support, my Mum, my Mum's two friends, Dad, Dad's friend, and me. The idea was to present a very formidable group just in case any of those creatures were hiding under the carpet or in the walls or something. The priest soaked the house with holy water and read numerous Bible chapters to banish the creatures to depths of hell. The group lead by the priest made a few rounds of the house making sure all bases had been covered. My father was satisfied, slept peacefully for a few days till a few days later when his troubles started again.

I decided to take matters in my hand, fished out my Homeopathic books and read all the troubling symptoms. Voila I had the right remedy for Dad. He was given Stramonium. Dad became well, slept well and even gave advice to all and sundry about how to tackle ghosts! My Dad also told me about a certain distant relative who had regular sessions of boxing with some local nocturnal creatures as well! My mind began to whirr and I thought could this thing run in the family? Could God be so unkind as to allow generations to be troubled by these restless creatures? Should I get ready with some shoes and slippers? Or should I just keep some Stramonium nearby for myself? May my father rest in peace and those creatures as well; he was a true warrior, fought with ghosts and all.

Notes: Author is a Homeopath; Stramonium is a Homeopathic remedy to ease the mind among other things.

Walk like an Egyptian: Mubarak and other dictators.

Perhaps Mubarak should have consulted Playboy's Hafner on how to continue running an empire and keep everybody happy as well. Now the end result is that Mubarak got booted out seemingly by the Egyptian people but perhaps by his own army of rogues. Reuter's news reported that Mubarak had a death wish. At eighty and beyond, minus the throne, this would be a legitimate wish. With billions stashed away, even death would be sweet, something  Mubarak denied his own people, most of whom suffered terribly throughout his 30 years of dictatorship. Not that dictatorships or suffering masses are unusual in that part of the world, the question for the latter being whether that is stoicism or apathy as usual. 

Obama forgot America's support of Mubarak and encouraged the Egyptians - who unaware of O's leanings, cursed America anyway and for good measure threw in some threats for Israel as well. The Saudi king perhaps livid with Obama's support had a few things to say to him. Perhaps the king saw a similar fate in the ugly demise of Mubarak. Then as quickly as his pristine white robes would allow, congratulated the Egyptian people on taking to the streets! Immediately after that he got his own army and religious police to crack down on any stirrings of protest in his kingdom. He's also planning to step up funds for more universities in America, print more hate and propaganda literature, build more houses of worship around the world especially in Pakistan which seems to be the pet breeding ground for practices in terrorism.

A little distance away, Iran's Ahmadinejad declares from the ramparts how wonderful it is to see the events in Egypt. Now Iran could send in its ships of rockets and bombs and other deadly stuff to support the Brotherhood and Hezbollah and of course push Israel in the Red Sea. Simultaneously, Ahmadinejad also gets Iran's dreaded police to speedily prepare to beat and kill its protestors just like a few months ago. The world which is ever ready for any action around the globe is left scratching its head as to who or what to call. It's business as usual in the middle east where talk from both sides of the mouth is routinely carried out. Not a good foundation for a free society. 

At any given time and in any land, women are more or less 50% of the population which means by taking them out, the world loses 50% of its efforts at progress and ingenuity. This simple concept is willfully ignored and abandoned in the name of religion. Women's rights and equality; freedom of thought, writing, and speech; focus on learning in the arts and sciences; spirit of innovation; love for life; personal responsibility, right to liberty and happiness - well these have been forgotten in the desert lands. And the ones who've dared to remember have ceremoniously disappeared. Nonetheless, awakenings however meager are good. As long as the process is not hijacked by radical thought, attempts for change are commendable. For the young and restless - it gives them something to do. After all, millions of them are impressionable, oppressed, fearful - just ripe for change from within. 

In a land of millions and growing, what are a few thousands protesting in the streets of Cairo? In the other places of the Middle East, thousands of other protestors too met up, screamed, and were quickly squashed by hundreds of thousands of various regimes' police force. The Egyptians escaped the wrath of the army because Mubarak was too old for them too. Perhaps he had lost some of the ruthlessness, the kind that armies like. The apparatus of capture and torture is well enconsed in these lands. Why would the concept of democracy suddenly take root in the Muslim lands? It will not happen simply because this is an alien concept not in tune with their political, religious, social systems. Whenever the people, women included, are ready ready for a genuine change and growth, the land will be ready as well. 

To burqa or not to burqa ...

We are once again struck with controversy about the flying bellows of an absolute odious garment - the burqa. To me it's an issue of what exactly do the men like about it and more so what possibly could the women love about it - if they do? And if the women want to wear the burqa, why do they even bother to shop around in some very fashionable boutiques for some fine, sexy, skimpy lingerie, and more. Gloom and doom should be full while it lasts. If everything has to be covered up in such a severe manner then maybe even a bag or a sack cloth cut to size would serve the purpose. Anything or nothing worn under those burqas would ever make a dent in its existence. Surprisingly vote and support for the burqa is very much present and I don't understand why. Perhaps I will never comprehend this conundrum. Some women say they feel liberated. Others say they feel safe. The only thing I say is that burqa clad women look boring, caged, and pathetic. If they have a form that looks radiant then that form needs to be taken out from under the black pall. What's the point of placing big black sheets on humans unless they are dead? Somehow in our topsy turvy world, even transvestites who love everything about women have firmly rejected donning the burqa. But just in case they would have tried the burqa, they would've had the time of their life confusing the male species. Eyes peeking through the chador would have said come hither while the lifting of the veil would've suggested to the seeker to run thither. It can be a very trying time for the interested men to figure out the essence of beauty through those kohl layered eyes and loads of layers of black - if they can be seen at all. Nonetheless, under the burqa anything goes,  just as well anything can go under the burqa - perhaps one instance of perfect equality in an insane world. 

Just the other day a thought occurred; what if one used some aerodynamic technique inside the burqa, perhaps it could take to flying and take the women along, much to the disconcert of the males. It would be quite a sight to see big black things flying around minus broomsticks of course. NASA steering away from its space exploration program and with its new policy of fostering peace around the world, would be delighted to study the celestial phenomenon and its connection with fundamentalism and radicalism. The flying burqa squads would however be lost forever and what would happen to the men? Who would cook? Who would clean? Who would have their brood? Who would pick up after their shit? Well for the latter part, I could offer a suggestion which would be to develop some form of arthritis by the women, which would make it near impossible to bend and pick. The women with arthritis would truly be at par with men - whatever fell to the floor would lie there and rot its heart out or they could just kick it to the side, really just to get it out of the way for the time being. Perhaps the women could use the power of their burqas to sweep everything off - good and bad, under the guise of 'merely walking around minding my own business'. Somehow the thought of turning the burqa into a lethal weapon of destruction never occurred to the burqa clad women. Some silly men tried it but got so hot that they decided - to hell with the suicide mission, they needed to get out of the damn thing as quickly as possible. But before the suicide mission even got into effect, the burqa clad men also got some unsavory attention from their brothers something to the tune of heaven on earth and worth dying for, when the bomber had been promised otherwise. During such a time, the innovative idea of a double burqa for double protection must have taken place in the brain of the suicide bomber. That patent will forever remain in the pending stage considering when that poor sod may or may not be released from those cells specially designed for bumbling terrorists.

Dance of Shiva by Joyce Singha-Ghosh

                                  
Coming back to the strange commotion this chador has created around the world, the question to ask is, who is really getting affected by it. From all reports and historical data so far, it's clear that it's only some men, in some corners of the world, that have been actually infected by the chador virus. No immunization against this virus has been effective so far. This is also one design that has stayed constant and thus defied the fashion world. For its size - the burqa does appear and disappear at times. Women who love it around their men, suddenly discard it as soon as they are on their own. It's perhaps this inconstancy that has created this ruckus. Some say it's a religious duty others say it's a womanly thing to do; still others drag God into it as if God didn't have enough to do or not do. Perhaps they think the Almighty is lowly enough to create a stink about whether people wore clothes or not and especially something like the abominable burqa which is completely shapeless, formless and tasteless - even for God. Despite these misgivings, I still give full marks to the remarkable oeuvre of the Creator including Darwin and his theories. There is absolutely nothing in creation which comes close to resembling an object as drab as a burqa. The burqa comes with a little slit for the eyes, which is free of course. The slit actually defeats the purpose of total control by the concerned men because it allows the burqa clad women to see. If it was supposed to be a complete cover, then the men who thought of it made some gross errors. But I always thought men were a flawed lot. There is however plenty of time to rectify. They can still give up on this useless invention but then it's also hard to give up on centuries honed skills of shelling out complete bull crap. The burqa thankfully hasn't killed the women, only driven them underground where sure enough they are quietly plotting and scheming to transfer the rights of ownership of the burqa elsewhere, some time, hopefully, in this century.

Half measures never worked. In fact, a paradigm shift is required here. Sweeping changes have to be made for the burqa set up. It should be made mandatory inside and outside the home. No slits or nets should be allowed. As the vision would be severely disrupted, all work inside and outside would have to be performed by the seeing - which is the men. Consequently, burqa women will need to be carried around as the sack like outfit would make it impossible for them to do anything except hobble and shuffle. Eyes would become a fallacy for both the seen and the seeing. If men insisted on looking and imagining, they would have to develop the electro magnetic radiation energy. Perhaps in keeping with the declining economy, women of the same family or even neighborhood could be brought under one burqa just like global economy.  Most of all, as it's the men who seem to be so fond of the burqa, they should make it absolutely essential and compulsory for themselves it. If I were sure of anything in life, it would have to be the day men wore the burqa; that day would be the beginning of the end of the burqa controversy. Nary a speedier outcome could be imagined. Not only would the men outlaw the burqa, they would change the entire history of it ever having existed at all in any age whatsoever. God forbid, if He or religion ever hinted at the burqa, the men would get rid of them both faster than they would do the burqa. Another change I would like if the burqa still survived and the love for it stayed strong - is to see the burqa loving men go battle in this garment. With the new army uniform of burqas in place, I wonder if the enemy will smile at the sight of the bumbling and fumbling burqa clad men. Perhaps like in old times, the enemy would take time off to watch the fools at play, have their shots of whiskey or rum at pleasure somewhere right around the vicinity of the burqas. Now that would be fun and wars could be won through bloodless coups and battles. Peace would return once more. All this would occur over a cup of tea and a burqa.